When you need the power of God for the simplest things <3

I had the funniest conversation with our middle daughter the other day. 

She asked me when it was that I developed a love for cleaning. I was shocked and said I have never liked cleaning, let alone loved it. It is a discipline I do because I love a clean house. And since it doesn’t self-clean, that be my job. 

We had a good laugh over the fact that she assumed because I cleaned faithfully when she was growing up, I loved doing it. 

Au contraire. 

Many of the things I do come with grit, determination, prayer and a desire for the end result that pushes me through. 

Take exercise. 

Every single workout takes a fair amount of pep talk on my part. I have all manner of tricks to get me to do it. I don’t mind too much when I get started, although I do check the clock frequently if it is a timed workout. 

I also have numbered the parts of the three mile walk Russ and I take by stretches of road. He will now text me that he is on “3” so I know how much longer til he gets home. He doesn’t loath exercise like I do, but it has become helpful for tracking purposes. I even count how many houses there are until I can get home as a means of adding fun to the event. 

As I have mulled over this need for overcoming my natural self in order to be a better, healthier, nicer person I was reminded of a time a number of years ago when one of our pastors asked me to participate in an “interview” type sermon. 

They were talking about different aspects of personality each week and in his search for someone who always is positive and upbeat, a couple of people mentioned me. He agreed and approached me for that week’s topic. 

My response was a burst of laughter and complete shock that anyone considered me to have those qualities. This was reinforced when I told my family about the call. They know me and my propensity to flex to gloom and doom as a first response to anything ranging from attending the summer festival downtown to packing for a trip to planning a dinner party to just getting through a normal day. 

I had told the pastor I would pray about it and with the feedback from my family, I felt comfortable telling him I was definitely not the woman for the job. He was interested enough in wondering why he and others had seen me differently and asked me to talk to him about it. 

I assured him I am not a faker. I do not have a poker face (which my family can also attest to, to their deep chagrin). So he did a pre-interview to find out what was going on. As we talked, I realized that I rely heavily on the Holy Spirit and my faith to overcome the natural bent my emotions seem to take. 

It is a lot of work and discipline and sometimes I fail, but I don’t want to be a negative person. Sadly my family sees my failures to crucify the fear and dread in me more often and so they know that it is very much a part of me. But the hope and desire is to be able to continue to be refined in the safe places of friends and family while sparing the general public and acquaintances of a dark cloud over my persona. 

It’s not faking it til I make it, it’s facing it and praying and submitting and sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing and doing it all again the next day. Just like the exercise and cleaning and all the other things that need to be done but I don’t want to do. 

He ended up using me in the sermon. He said that it was powerful to expose the battle and how God helps me in it. It ended up being a good example of how awesome God is and how He loves us and helps us … to be better, healthier and nicer…if we ask.