In the meantime, He is always waiting for you… right where you left Him <3
Yesterday afternoon we headed up north. Graham had a later game and Joel had an early practice after school. We had offered to pick up Emmett and Caroline, take them for some time at the park and then pick up Joel so Rachel could get Graham to his game.
The original plan was that we would pick up pizza and head home. We would eat and have baths and try to get settled down. Caroline wasn’t too enthused to be separated from her mom, but she went along with the plan.
Rachel sent us a text that it was fine to just feed them and bring to the ball park and after Russ and I talked it over we decided to leave it up to our three little ones. We said we could still get pizza and head home or get McDonald’s and go join mom at the ballpark.
While Caroline and Joel still wanted pizza, they opted for McDonalds so they could go to Graham’s game. Emmett was reading and not very engaged in the discussion so he chimed in a little late in the voting and said he would like to see mom so whatever that took, he was all in.
Later as Russ and I were driving home we mentioned how it was kind of sweet he wanted to see his mom, but we had to laugh because he spent no time with her except to ask to go to the park.
He played catch with Papi behind us and ran to the playground periodically, but really didn’t sit with Rachel or spend a lot of time with her.
It occurred to me that just being in the same place with her was good for him and brought a normalcy to the end of his day. There was a level of comfort knowing mom was nearby.
Caroline and Joel, being younger, would sit on her lap from time to time or hunker down under her feet, but Emmett is at the age where he is off socializing. Sure Joel and Caroline got their playground and concessions visit in, but there was more of a need to return to their mom throughout the evening.
This morning as I pondered that, I thought about how we can do this with God and it is not such a great idea.
I am going to use myself as an example and not just speak in general terms.
As a child, I loved Jesus. I prayed every night, attended Sunday School every week and then sat through a church service leaning on my dad’s suit sleeve and enjoying the sour balls he carried in his pocket to keep me quiet.
I have not always walked in ways that honored Him, but I have always loved God even when I didn’t understand Him or feel He was close to me. Mark that – “FEEL”…because in my late teen/early 20’s I went a lot by feelings and not faith.
I still prayed and attended church and loved Jesus with all my heart, but I didn’t let him lead me. I didn’t study His word or apply His teachings.
As I moved into my later 20’s and 30’s, I wanted to reconnect with God in a deeper level and I began to read my Bible and start daily devotions. In my 40’s and 50’s, I studied so I could teach the adult class I was asked to lead. I took any and every Bible study available.
I was like Joel and Caroline.
It wasn’t enough to be in the vicinity of God, I wanted to really know Him and have interaction with Him.
But life happens.
Disappointments and heart hurts and changes that brought separation, more people to love and tend and allow space for, getting older and realizing some dreams and hopes would not be fulfilled, losing people, a more chaotic and hostile culture, a pandemic and full, full and fuller days can take a toll.
And at some point, I think I got to be like Emmett.
I wanted to be in the vicinity of God, but I had moved away from the close relationship that is so necessary.
Lately I have been feeling that barrier breaking down.
It’s nothing I changed in my habits.
Through all of the dry season, I have continued to follow the disciplines that I know are necessary. I have not forsaken my Bible reading, devotions and at least an attempt to pray.
The only thing that has changed is that I can feel Him breaking through the detachment that had attached itself to me.
There have been too many feelings and at some point, I think I just shut it all down and so worship and prayer had become just a way to be in the same park with God, but not actually sitting at HIs feet.
He is doing a work of healing and restoring in me.
We have seasons of faith, my friends.
We have deserts and mountains and valleys and times when we are in green pastures and being held safely along the banks of rivers and streams, wanderings to distant lands and straggling in doubt.
And while the terrain of our faith may vacillate and the level of our participation may waver, He never does.
He is faithful when we are not.
He never leaves us.
Like mom in the yard chair, along the fence line of the playing field, wherever we roam in the park…when we go back, He is there <3