The sun has returned to the midwest today! Hallelujah!
Because another dreary day, and I may have just sunk right down into the soggy puddles along the journey…
Yesterday was my day with the little guys and I had an early start and all kinds of things I hoped to take along to help brighten the day of their sweet family.
I was also leaving straight from there to attend the Teen Challenge annual dinner with Russ. This meant a change of clothes and hair product, because…well..nap with Graham does a number on my do.
But I ran out of time and so once again was rushing out the door, frustrated ….
and literally, crying and … ugh…venting…
1. my nails were chipped and I had left my polish on the table
2. I had wanted to make a nice meal for them and I didn’t have time to get the ingredients and now I didn’t know if I would be able to get to the store up there
3. I had a typo in the email/blog post that morning…”the” instead of “then”
4. I wasn’t sure I would have time to grab a coffee and well… bonus stars in the next 7 days???
4 1/2. I hadn’t eaten breakfast and was forced to take a snack pack….aaannnnndddd once again forgot to take my vitamins
5. All of this, is SOOOOOOOO trivial in the grand scheme of not only my life, but good grief! the whole world right now….things so incredibly shocking, we can barely keep up with the growing list of crises and tragedies.
6. That made it even more horrible that I was falling apart over the MOST ridiculously inane nothingness and yet, I could NOT get over it…..could not stop the tears, the shouting, the grown up melt down I was having, even as I was headed to one of my favorite destinations….
And since I fully believe that my ENTIRE existence is lived out in the Presence of God, it was crucial to bring this mess right up to the very Throne of All-Mighty God…
I was confessing and repenting….
Which means, I had to drag the ugliness of me to the foot of the Cross….and as I confessed with my mouth and believed in my heart that somehow…because He said so, He loves me…I asked Him ….
Do You really sing over one such as me?
Because I have a hard time believing it….so, great…now I had to confess DOUBT of HIS WORD>>>
and in my heart…
that still small Voice whispered….
Laura, even if you had remembered all the stuff you need today, and your nails were fine and you had a home cooked meal, complete with fresh baked rolls and a lovely dessert tucked in a Longaberger basket with a fall cloth draped over….I wouldn’t love you any more than I do…right now…I don’t love you any more….I don’t love you any less….I don’t love the way you love….
That is the hardest part of it sometimes, isn’t it? Understanding grace…GRACE…UNMERITED…UNEARNED FAVOR….
Nothing I do to earn it….nothing I do to lose it….
Oh, He isn’t all smiling and doting when I have my little or big fits….He doesn’t coddle me when I am selfish and complaining and grumbling and foul…but He loves me…and He sings over me…and sure enough…
He provided a trip to the grocery with the troops to get the fixin’s for their dinner….and He gave us time to….
make pumpkin tookies for Uncle John and….of course….
and well, even one such as I….could hear Him singing over us…