The ugly side of ugly pride…
As if there were a pretty side to pride, right?
Maybe I should have entitled this, “The Sneaky Side of Pride”
But we tend to think pride is fairly easy to spot….
in others…particularly those we hold little affection for…but that is for another post perhaps…
We can even spot it cropping up in ourselves if we are desiring to be true Christ-followers.
That’s why when we do something well and people notice it…
especially if it is something that we care deeply about and work with all our hearts to develop and nurture and invest in…..
we are quick to recognize that P R I D E could sneak in.
So, when someone notices the fruit of our best efforts and says some kind thing.
We…
being good Christians…
hold our hands to our chest…
and slightly lower our eyes…
and humbly thank them and give credit to our God-who-we-depended-on-to-help-us.
And all of that is good and right and….
well…
(Now, please don’t get prideful if you are nodding your head and saying ….Why! She just described ME….)
easy to identify until…
that “thing” that you poured into and prayed over and are so passionate about and leaned on God for…
blows up into a big old mess.
And you find yourself in a heap, retracing all of your steps and all of your words…
all that you did and didn’t do…
all the missed chances and the over-thinking…
all the other factors that came into play and how you could have handled those better…
and you wonder what you could have done differently so that it all worked out perfectly.
And, as you sit there, crying and stewing…
you hear your Father ask…
Hmmmmm……so it all depended on you, did it?
And while you are still wiping your pitiful tears and blowing your nose, He asks you an even more pointed question….
So if you are taking credit for the mess and wondering what YOU could have done to make it all perfect….who would you have given credit to, in the deepest parts of your own heart, if it all went great?
At least, this is how He speaks to me…and lest you think Him harsh to ask such questions when I am in a fragile state of melt-down…
let me assure you…
of His Kindness…and Mercy…and Grace.
Because I have to ask myself….
What am I really upset about here?
And it turns out….as I listen to His voice, He tells me…
it just might be that you are upset because this thing that blew up happened to YOU…
on YOUR watch…
and you just might be thinking, dear child, that such a thing should NOT have happened to someone like YOU….
and well…
ain’t nothing more humbling than humiliation.
So I stand in the middle of the debris of broken dreams …
to put to death my pride.
To place my hand on my chest…
slightly lower my eyes…
and acknowledge…
that He is sovereign…
In ALL things…
when everything goes right…
when everything goes wrong…
and then thank God for who He is …. for what He does.
It’s all about Him…it always was…it always will be…
He is LORD…LORD of all <3
Ugh. I am sitting here with that big, ugly mess that blew up in my face. I am so discouraged with my life littered with the dead bodies of once-vibrant relationships. You’d think as I age, I’d get better at this. I just get worse. Trying to let God work, but all I can come up with is that He has to get me to the point I’d better handle them. Emotional health — adolescent still.
Right there with you…we are all works in progress. But God is patient. Have been reading several things lately about asking Him what He wants to teach us or reveal to us about HIMSELF at such times. So often, I just look to Him to fix it…forgetting He really wants to have a relationship with me…sigh…He’s a good, good Father…for sure <3
Amen. I so needed to read this, Laura. My shoulders aren’t strong enough for my burdens and they get so weary. I am printing today’s blog and I know I will refer to it regularly. ❤️
We just need to be honest with Him….and why do we always forget what we are made of??? I do the same…time again..thinking I may finally be “strong enough” to handle it all on my own…yeeeshh!!!! What a patient God we serve <3