What to do with the memories <3

This little man is the first one that made us grandparents.

He still asks me if I can pick him up and I just barely can.

I am not sure which will be harder…the day I can’t…or the day he doesn’t ask.

A few weeks ago we had a slumber party at a hotel with a pool for him and his brother.

In the morning as we packed things up, he looked at me deep in the eye…which is often the way he looks at me and said so wistfully….

I wish it was yesterday. 

I asked him why and he said then we could just be starting.

From the mouths of babes.

As we continue our series on Deep Healing this week, I am starting out with those poignant reminders that come out of nowhere and pierce the heart and soul.

We live in an age with constant visual reminders of our past.

Photographs tucked in boxes, the “memory” notice that comes up on Social Media, old acquaintances who want to catch up on our life as we stand in the middle of a store or the sidelines of a football game.

Caught off guard, we can find ourselves awash in grief all over again as we struggle to find that footing we thought we had secured.

As I was putting my thoughts down for this section, I came up with the word “wistful” for Graham that morning.

Looking up the meaning today I find it is defined perfectly for the feelings these moments evoke in us as we are in the early stages of healing…

wistful ….having or showing a feeling of vague or regretful longing

Yes, that’s it.

A vague longing that is like a cavern that only fills itself with more emptiness.

There is an ache there as we are reminded and a sorrow knowing we can not go back and a sting wondering if what we thought we had was a lie all along.

It is a difficult place, this sorting through memories.

And as in all things healing, the only place to really take them is to the Lord.

Ask Him what to do with the physical reminders such as photos and tokens that are tied to those severed relationships.

Get rid of what you need to … find a safe place to stow what you can’t until you can…literally lift them and the accompanying emotions to Him and breathe deeply from His strength.

I truly believe the tears are cleansing so cry as needed and then let Him wipe them away.

Forgive the awkwardness of these words today.

This is such an individual reality in grief and each person experiences so differently so for now I want to just say a prayer for us and tomorrow we will look at what some of these feelings can reveal as we lay them before the One who knows us and loves us perfectly <3

Heavenly Father,

Like little Graham, we can be a wistful child when we come across reminders of lost love, relationship, position, status.

We see the smiling faces of a joyful season that has been taken from us unnaturally and sorrow mocks us.

It is no longer a milestone in our story. Now it is a shredded piece of the tapestry that was our journey.

Like a photograph torn in half, only portions of the past remain tangible and we are left missing sections of who we thought we were.

It is in these moments that we pray no root of bitterness to form.

We pray that we would not look at others’ intact lives and allow that to influence our understanding of Your love and mercy and grace over us.

Instead we pray for guidance in how to move forward.

We pray for mercy gifts when those unexpected reminders crop up.

We pray for honesty in facing the truth of our circumstances and for renewed hope in the future.

Most of all, Lord we pray, that none of this season be wasted.

Let it be used for Your glory, in Your timing and in Your way.

Thank you for Your Presence in our grief.

Thank You for your sufficiency in our emptiness.

Thank You for Your comfort in our sadness.

Thank You that nothing we experience has not first passed through You and that we are never alone  <3