And then I blinked…

Because these three?

They still rattle around in my heart and mind in all of their ages and stages.

Their voices echo down these halls and I still can laugh out loud or wipe a stream of tears thinking of the stuff we’ve lived through together.

Often both at the same time.

And today….this one…

is having another birthday.

Will you indulge me sharing what I found in the pages of that journal I talked about on Monday?

How in October of 2003 I wrote about ending a time of grieving…

When we brought mom, dad and Aunt Lizzie from Louisville – our lives changed in an instant.

After a while, I felt there was a need in my spirit to acknowledge my grief and mourning without constantly weeping.

I decided to wear only my wrist watch for a time.

The absence of all other adornment was a quiet way to express my time of mourning.

Sarah noticed I wasn’t wearing my jewelry and asked me why.

For a while she, too, wore no jewelry…to share my grief and ask God why there was so much…on me…her mom

She began wearing hers again when she received the greatest of answers…

which was no answer…

BECAUSE…

she felt God was telling her He would not answer…

she must just trust Him <3

I remember well the day I ended my mourning.

I told her I felt it was time to set aside my grief and sorrow and move on into what our lives had become

…and she brought a gift from her room.

Something she had tucked away for this day.

A collection of silver earrings to celebrate God’s healing.

I think of her heart to accept the sharing of my burden of loss and grief even when she didn’t understand.

I think of her anticipation and the hope she held on to that a time would come when I might still be sad from time to time…but no longer mourned.

I think of how humbled I am that I, who wanted so much to teach our children, learned so much more than I ever taught <3

Happy Birthday to you dear child…

Love, mom <3