Is it I?

In Matthew 26, Jesus is celebrating the Passover with His disciples in a small room. It is an intimate meal shared among friends who have traveled and ministered together. Many miles under their feet. Many minutes spread over days and years.

And Jesus says casually, as they pass the bread and the cup, that one of them is going to betray Him.

I can’t imagine what Judas’s blood pressure was doing at this point.

But the others begin asking….Is it I?

I can relate to this.

Sitting in the classroom, quietly taking my test. The teacher’s voice booms “Someone is cheating”. My heart would race. Was it me?? Had I looked over on a classmates paper and not even been aware of my wandering eyes?

A friend seems troubled and short in conversation. What did I do? Was it something I said the last time we were together? Did I forget something going on in her life?

An ignored text…..an unanswered invitation…..a forgotten meeting….

Is it I?

Did I do it?

Perhaps because I know I am capable of it. Whatever the “it” is. Betrayal, cheating, unforgiveness, unkindess, hypercriticism.

I know enough about me to know the ugly. I know what I am capable of. And it scares me.

But Jesus isn’t condemning me for the evil I am capable of. He knows what is in my heart. He knows what I am made of.

A few verses latter, He points out what Peter will do. Deny Him. Leave Him. Forsake Him. Act like he doesn’t even know Him.

And what is Jesus already doing….praying for him. For when his heart repents. For when the work of the devil meets the work of transformation and is defeated, that Peter will be restored.

Amazing Grace. He knows what I am capable of, and He lives to intercede FOR me <3