Just the facts, ma’am <3
Have you ever heard the joke about the difference between asking a man and a woman where they bought the meat you are being served?
A man will answer he got it from such and so meat market.
A woman will ask you why?….
And if there is something wrong with it?
And how she cooked it too long and the last time she made it she used a different seasoning and add in other reasons why it didn’t turn out as planned..etc etc etc…
Sorry if you find that an offensive stereotype, but personally it hits me right where I live every day.
Jumping to every possible dire conclusion I can about the motive behind the simplest of questions and comments is my first response.
The wheels in my head start spinning and I am backpedaling before I even get the words to sputter out.
By nature, questions throw me off.
I am sure if I spent several years in counseling and delved into my psyche there is some kind of explanation for this quirk but I don’t have the time, money or interest in digging to the bottom of that Pandora’s Box so here is what I am learning to do to defeat this onslaught of defensiveness when someone asks me a question about something I have done, am doing or plan to do in the future.
You may want to jot this down if any of this is resonating with you so grab a pencil.
I will wait….
Here it is…
Just. Answer. The. Question.
When someone asks me where I got, say, the shoes I am wearing…
instead of explaining that I had foot surgery and now I have to be careful to select shoes that I can use the inserts the podiatrist made for me, because you know…fallen arches…and I don’t really have to wear them all the time but he was right, I am finding that I actually want to wear them and I went ahead and bought them before they were marked down because it’s really important that I get good shoes so I buy fewer pairs, making sure that the ones I get are good quality support for my feet…
and I think…
what piece of information did they just ask me to give them?
And then I say…
Von Maur…or Macy’s…or wherever I actually purchased the shoes they just asked me about.
Or at least I do that more often than I used to.
I still find my brain rushing to all the possible reasons for the motive of the question, but on my better days…
I am working to…
A work in progress…that’s me…
How about you?
( That was not a trick question, I promise <3 )
So there you go…happy Monday! Hope you have a great start to your week <3
I understand! And I’ve also gotten to my car and told myself, “I bet that salesclerk had no interest at all in every detail to the reason I returned whatever it was I chose to return.” I then think of the people, close to me, that don’t mind hearing all of the details that I want to share. So I’m getting better at reserving all of that for them. I believe you have a great need to be understood. There is nothing wrong with that. Maybe we both can think about the words from someone, possibly in the Bible but I’m not sure, that direct us to seek more to understand than to be understood. My friend reminds me that in a day women use WAY more words than a man. So definitely we need to refrain from giving SO MANY details to our husbands when all they really want is, “Yes or No” sometimes.
And we can also put ourselves into someone else’s shoes and ask, “If I were them, would I want to hear a long drawn out answer to a question that I’d like answered in a few words?”
Thanks for being you! We all have places in ourselves that we’d like to change for the better as we journey onward. Be blessed!
I hear you! Oh my! My ongoing prayer is, Lord – help me to use my words wisely!!! Thanks for sharing. Makes me smile <3
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