Last week when I was with the boys, Rachel had given Graham a couple of chocolate chips after he finished his lunch. In a moment of generosity he offered his brother one. Never to turn down sweets, Emmett accepted.
But Graham must have made the offer out of some reflex from lessons learned about sharing. Because before his little brother’s head was even done nodding an excited “YES!!”, Graham slipped his hand over the remaining two chips and said he didn’t have any more.
My Graham. Okay…he’s everyone’s Graham…but reality hits hard to a Lola when she sees human nature rise up in this little being who holds the culmination of three generations of love in his existence.
I had to give him the talk about when we are trying to hide something that’s how we know we are doing something wrong. I spared him the whole Achan and the buried robe debacle that cost Joshua’s army a victory. He’s only four. There is time…
But I gave him the mini-lecture version and mom chimed in with her part about he offered so he needed to follow through.
We are called to live open, transparent lives. The longer I walk this journey of faith, the more uncomfortable I become with the times my hand wants to cover the last two chocolate chips…so to speak…
Sometimes I am just downright selfish.
Sometimes I am afraid if I reveal something I have done that isn’t really wrong, it might possibly bring disapproval or misunderstanding.
Sometimes I have been reluctant to share my faith for fear of rejection from man.
But I am thankful to see progress. Yes, I still mess up. A lot. And I have a way to go. But not as far as yesterday, last week, last year or last decade.
I want to stop this week and thank God for removing a few more layers of self-consciousness, self-focus, self-preservation….and just plain old self.
I thank Him for the trials and the failures that have humbled me.
I thank Him for sting of conviction that has caught my attention and allowed me to recognize places in me that still are being worked out.
To get up and go again.
When I contemplate Exodus 12, I see that the Israelites were to mark their homes in a graphic and visible way the night of their deliverance.
“On the evening of the fourteenth day of this month, all these lambs shall be killed, and their blood shall be placed on the two side frames of the door of every home and on the panel above the door. Use the blood of the lamb eaten in that home. ” Exodus 12: 6&7 TLB
Yes, there you have it. Kill the lambs and take the blood and wipe it on the sides and top of the door frame. That would be sign to the angel as he passed over Egypt that this house was safe from death and destruction.
When Christ died on the Cross for my sin, He was front and center out in the middle of all the passerby’s. He openly bore my sin and shame; His blood smeared on the Cross.
I am so thankful.
Heavenly Father, like a little child I sometimes try to hold onto things. Over the years I have harbored bitterness, cherished sin, covered my love for you and done other things as if, You who died for me could not see what I was doing. And with grace and love and mercy, time and again, you have peeled my hand back and exposed what I thought I could hide.
Thank you for bringing me thus far on the journey that more and more I want to spread my arms open wide and claim that I am covered by Your blood. Thank you for all the times you make me so much more aware of You; so You become greater and I can truly become less. Today I know that Your blood covers the portals of my mind and heart and home.
I celebrate You. I praise You. I exalt You above all things. You alone are worthy of all glory and honor and praise now and forever. Amen <3