Surrendering the need to understand

This has been a week that has me dusting off an old, hard-learned lesson…thinking maybe it will help someone else who is struggling with events that have left us shaken and fragile.

A number of years ago,  our family struggled through some life messes that all piled up and threatened the core of what we knew about God.

As I poured out my heart and prayed and asked for wisdom week after week; I kept being led to Proverbs 3:5 & 6….one of those passages that is oft quoted and we might even stand a chance of having memorized even if that isn’t our thing….

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and  LEAN NOT on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight.

It was like I kept running into it every time I asked God to help me figure out what the heck was going on.

I would ask God to help me understand His will for all of that we walked through…and He would hit me up with…”Lean not on your own understanding….”

And finally, (if you are new to me…you may find this next bit somewhat alarming….but I believe since God KNOWS what I am going to say BEFORE it is on my tongue, I may as well be gut-honest with Him….) I just told Him that I couldn’t possibly be leaning on my OWN understanding when NOTHING about anything we were going through made any kind of sense whatsoever!

And that still small voice spoke to me a word of revelation, in my heart, that has stuck through many a hard and confusing time since…

No, Laura, you don’t understand…but you have a need to eventually understand and THAT is what you are leaning on. You may never understand some things and if you are going to follow Me, you have to be good with that….can you do that?

I was at a crossroads with God.

A place where the road forks and I had a choice to make…so I took a pen and I wrote the words of decision in the margin of my Bible next to that blessed Proverbs 3 passage….just so I wouldn’t forget….

There are some things I will never understand, but I know You do.  I know You are good and, as long as you understand, that is enough for me   <3

Yes, we must seek…and yes, often He answers or shows us the why….but if He doesn’t….

He is always good.

He is always faithful.

He is always God.

And it is on HIM we lean….always on Him….never on our own ability to understand.

May you find your peace and understanding in the loving and supporting embrace of His unfailing and sovereign love whatever life has brought your way today <3