When your inner child commiserates with your grandchild…

From Day 1…

this one has had me in the palm of his hand.

Any story our daughter tells us that might incriminate him in any way tends to begin with…I know you are going to take his side but…

I laugh harder and cry more deeply over his ups and downs because he made the first deep groove in my heart for a new level of love that has since been widened by his brothers.

So the other day as our daughter related a recap of his playdate with a friend, I was right there by his side in my mind as she told of how his buddy was leaving their house to go to a movie with her grandma.

Graham asked what movie and it turned out to be one he also wanted to see. (When did 4 year olds start knowing what movies are out in theaters???)

Rachel then shared how the other mom said if it was her gig, Graham would certainly be able to go but this was not the case.

Rachel reassured Graham that they would be seeing it with daddy soon.

She said Graham struggled to keep a stiff upper lip even as his little friend excitedly talked about going to the show.

I don’t remember if he held it together til they left or not, but Lola was definitely wiping away the tears by the end of the story.

In fairness I must tell you…

some of the tears were surely for that little guy I love so much…

but some were because I had just had a close encounter of the grieving kind with my own inner child.

Rachel’s call came as I was going through a bag of Christmas letters I had stashed in the laundry room during the holidays.

I love to hear about people’s lives each year; but since I am usually running around like a mad-woman the whole month of December, I tuck them away and read them later.

In this case…three months later.

I’m being vulnerably honest here.

As I read the reports on accomplishments and such one right after the other, I felt somewhat like the kid who was going to have to repeat 12th grade sitting through the Valedictorian’s speech.

Thirty times.

For some reason that day, all the good things that had happened and the awesome ways they handled the not so good were digging me deeply into a hole of near depression.

I felt like a failure.

On every front.

Like I had messed up and missed out.

Like everybody else had gotten to see the new movie…or in this case…had managed to pull off the best year ever… except me.

Rachel’s words at the end of that phone call were like a wake up call to snap me out of the self-pity pit…

I always have said I hope to be like her when I grow up….

She said:

1. Graham needs to be learn to be happy for his friend and know that he has good things now and in the future as well….and
2. Maybe when he is excited about good things going on for him, he will remember what it feels like if the other person isn’t and he will be more compassionate in his sharing

Good teaching…. whether you are four or four plus fifty-four.

Such wisdom….she must have gotten that from her father <3

So here’s to me and G ….

both works in progress…

as we….

journey onward <3